When we have hiccups in our lives or the unexpected comes, we normally will ground ourselves in our routines. Knowing what to expect day in and day out can allow us to cope better with these unexpected things. So what happens when the very unexpected comes up like a worldwide pandemic and your daily routine is disrupted to its core.
All of a sudden you are working from home, the kids are home all day and school is being done online. You are thinking “ How did I get here?” Even your normal drive to and from work where you may make some phone calls, listen to music, catch up on your audiobook, is no longer normal. Your commute is now walking to your home office and being ready to work on demand without having the drive to mentally prepare for your day, or the drive home to decompress from your day and switching out of work mode into home mode.
Then, add on top of this, that there are very few people in our lifetime who can remember a time like this where physical, social, emotional or financial disruption all collide together at the same time. It is easy to get overwhelmed.
So what do we do with all this besides getting overwhelmed? How do we lean into uncertainty?
Look at what you have control over. The only thing we have control over in our lives is ourselves. We control how we think about things, the lens we choose to see the world through and how we respond to others. So when everything outside of you feels out of control, look internally to what you can control. Ask yourself, how is my attitude about the situation? How is my view of the people around me? How do I talk to myself internally? Everything starts with you. Try it! Instead of using time and energy trying to change things outside of you, direct that energy inward and be aware, conscious, and intentional about things. Then, watch how your external world can change.
Be present. What is going on at this moment? Don't look too far back or too far ahead. Trust that the lessons you needed to learn from the past are with you. Thinking about the future will allow your creative mind to run wild. Ever notice how we worry about all the possible things that we think could happen, but they rarely ever do. Be in the moment. Make the best decisions in uncertain times based on the information you have in front of you, at that moment. When you are present you are more efficient, more effective, your focus will increase and you will fully experience what is happening. Most people can tolerate the present moment. It is when we try to experience the present moment while contemplating the past, and worrying about the future, is when we feel our world starts to spin and the stress levels increase.
Anything you feed will grow. If you feed positive you will see, find and experience the positive, the helpers, the compassion, the lightworkers, the generosity and so much more. If you feed the negative You will find all the people whose paths make yours more difficult. Situations will look like they have no solution. You may feel that everyone else is better off than you. You may compare yourself to others. Be aware of what you are feeding. What you feed greatly impacts not only your mood but your interactions with others. Pay attention to what you are feeding, is it something you want to grow?
Everything is temporary. Every season, situation and circumstance is temporary. I always say if you don’t like where you are in life wait for a little. Life is fluid. It is always changing and we never stay in the same place mentally or emotionally for very long. When things seem insurmountable just barely tolerate where you are at or what you are feeling. It will change, it always does. Whether that is uncertainty, depression, anxiety or even grief we never stay in the same space. Life is always forward-moving and we move with it or be dragged. There are times where our patience will be tested, with the COVID-19 situation. Just hang in there and hang on.
Letting everything be as it should and having no expectations allows the experience to bring to you what it is supposed to. Even though COVID-19 is a horrible virus that is making so many people sick, and people are losing their lives, we are also seeing unity in certain parts of the country and world, sincere compassion, people taking extra time to help others, the environment healing itself. People are checking in and on each other. There have been so many times where I have looked at the calendar recently and said: “I wish I had more time.” Now, my calendar is suddenly completely wide open. My evenings are free from running kids from place to place, doing homework or track meets. Although I miss those things, I know this is temporary, everything is temporary. Here is an opportunity to pause and reset. There is an opportunity in some of the hardest circumstances to teach our kids that when faced with the uncertainty of health, finances, and disruption of their daily life, that resiliency is present and possible. We will have tangible examples of resiliency, from this COVID-19 experience, to show them. These examples of resiliency will be things they can carry with them throughout their life.
So know that perspective is everything. The way you look at something or someone ties directly to the way you respond to that something or someone. If you don’t know where to start, know that the highest form of control in life is self-control. Be present so you can make the best decisions for yourself at the moment and anything you feed will grow. Know that everything is temporary and find the resiliency in every person and every situation.
Jori Sparry is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist with over 20 years of experience. She graduated from Central Connecticut State University with a major in Psychology and a minor in Religious Studies.
She believes in any crisis there is an opportunity for growth. Her expertise includes working with traumatic life events, post-traumatic stress disorder, marital and family issues, blended family issues, divorce, infertility, families with multiples, depression, anxiety and with military service members and their families.
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