What Kind of Adult Do You Want To Be?
You always hear the question posed to younger kids, “What do you want to be when you grow up?”
I love hearing kids answer that question, I also love when adults ask themselves that question when they are thinking about making a career change or a life change in general.
One question I feel that we are not posing to the youth today is “What kind of adult do you want to be?”
When I do ask kids that question sometimes I get answers like “I want to make a lot of money.” “I want to live in a big house.” “I want to drive a nice car.” I remind them that those are things they want to accomplish, those are not the things that will define them.
We ask the question of what they want to be but that is a very different question than “Who do you want be?”
When you ask a person who they want to be they have to think about what type of characteristics they want to instill in themselves, what interactions they want to have with others, what are their core values and what do they want their life here to represent.
What you do in your job doesn’t always define who you are. It is important to look at all the different roles in your life (Mother, Son, Daughter, Husband, Father, Spouse, Friend, Sibling). Who are you in those roles and how do you tie those different roles into being the person you are the represents your core set of values.
When I was little I remember people asking my parents “What do you want your kids to be when they grow up?” I remember my parents saying “All we want is for them to grow up to be nice people.” WOW! I am glad I didn’t know at the time the magnitude of that expectation at the time.
However, that expectation of being a “nice person” was always in the back of my mind. I always knew what I was going to be when I grew up but that statement force me to think about who I wanted to be.
What kind of person did I want to be? I thought about all the things I wanted to be and than figured out a way to be them. Achieving some of those qualities were harder than others. I still work on the ones that still feel like work for me!
It is hard to respond to people who are being reactive to you.
Making a decision that you are going to be a responsible adult financially, emotionally and otherwise is difficult but it is just that, your decision.
What kind of adult you want to be is like any other major decision that you have to make over the course of your life. Sometimes it seem impossible to see the other side when you are trying to decide the right thing for you to do. Sometimes you have to try hard, sometimes you have to leap, sometimes you have to let go and sometimes you have to make your decision and never look back.
I believe in a balance of letting life’s experience shape you and deciding for yourself who you want to be, the place you want to be in people’s lives and the mark you want to leave on the world. Don’t just let life happen to you, make sure that you are participating in the process.
Jori Sparry is a License Marriage and Family Therapist at One Counseling and Wellness.
