It was a Sunday with a high wind warning.
What seemed like moments, it was here and than it was gone. Not before leaving a path of destruction.
It was not only a path of destruction of homes but displacements of lives.
Whether you lost your home or not, you knew not just one person but many that did.
If you talk to some of the people who lost their homes it went from shock to salvage to adjusters, finding a place to live, fulfilling basic needs.....picking up the pieces.
So what do you do from here?
Here are a few tips for yourself and your children in the attempt to regain a sense of normalcy.
1. Break things down into manageable pieces. Not only for you children but for yourself. Life on a good day can be overwhelming. Make sure you are not setting yourself up to be stressed out.
If you are a lister, no more than three things on your do to list at any given time.
Putting more on a list than you know you can handle at any given point is a set up.
2. Allow yourself time. A lot has been in the media about Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. What people may be experiencing now is called an Acute Stress Reaction. That is considered "normal" for the first 4 to 5 weeks after a traumatic event. If you find that you or your child are experiencing prolonged symptoms past the five week mark that would be the appropriate time to seek out a mental health professional .
3. Be consistent. Even if you pick one thing a day to be consistent about with yourself or your children. We all crave some sort of routine and structure. Eat dinner together or get back into your work out routine.
4. Understand that creating your new normal is going to take time, adjust and learn new coping skills to help cope with your new normal.
5. Be aware that every one reacts and processes traumatic events differently. You or someone you know may be acting out of character but no one can say for sure how they will act under extreme stress or life altering situations.
6. Be factual. Children ask questions they are emotionally ready to hear the answers to. We as adults want them to understand and so we tend to over explain. Before you respond to a question think about what they are aksing you.
7. Everyone has a different tolerance level and copes differently. In the context of a relationship or in a family there needs to be enough tolerance so that everyone can process and cope in their own way.
If you feel like things are off with the ones you love, talk to them about it.
When something like a natural disaster or a life altering event happens you start off in survival mode (what do I need to do to provide for my basic needs, food, clothing, shelter, money, identification etc). After survival mode, which we are all starting to come out of, you become exhausted from handling the logistics of everything that needs to be tended to (mail pick up, canceling utilities, cancel trash pick up, etc). These tasks are physically, mentally and emotionally exhausting.
Self care is extremely important. Take breaks from it, eat right, get rest, do something fun and completely non related to what has happened. It is okay to "check out" of life for a little while as long as you "check back " in.
If you find yourself pulling away from others that is the time to reach out to others, widen your circle and let people in.
If you find that after the 4-5 week mark you are still have symptoms that are bothering you or disrupting your lifestyle or causing conflicts in your relationships that would be the appropriate time to talk to a mental health professional.
Jori Sparry is a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist. Her expertise includes working with traumatic life events, post traumatic stress disorder, marital and family issues, blended family issues, divorce, infertility, families with multiples, depression, anxiety, and with military service members and their families.
